Tag Archives: misery

Poetry {54} ~ MAYBE THEN YOU’D BELIEVE ME, WOULDN’T YOU?

Chrysalis of potential

The things pain made her do

Were far greater than she could have imagined

Than she postulated she was capable of

The sun appeared, rolled away

Flowers beheaded themselves

You look good, you look healthy they say

Maybe if you could feel the bruises I feel

If the burned skin blistered off and fell

And burned your skin too

If I swam in a green, purple and blue skin blood bath

If the tremors were more violent

If the muscles screamed louder

If you could hear the creaking of my joints

And the pounding in my head

If the shooting pains were sparks of light

And the aching were red in glows

If you could see the fog swirling above my mind

And hear the cells of my hippocampus dieing

Starving for serotonin and dopamine

Confession of symptoms mistaken for complaints

Forgetting, lost in a maze

Can’t promise to go, but can’t say I will stay in a daze

If you took my hand

And felt how heavy the weight of existence felt

If the sadness made me waste away

If the fatigue swallowed me up

And I never woke up

Maybe then you’d believe me wouldn’t you?

~DiosRaw, 05/05/21

The Human Family Community Open Threads {46} ~ How Has Music Changed Your Life?

Welcome to “The Human Family Community Open Threads,” a project open for anyone who would like to express their feelings, make friends or talk about anything; if you feel suicidal, depressed, anxious or lonely during these times this project is here for you. Feel free to leave a comment below and connect, let’s start a conversation. No judgement, we don’t know until we walk in someone else’s shoes..

~DiosRaw, 03/05/21

Poetry {30} ~ LONELY SUFFOCATION

How long can a lonely soul live in isolation?

Before the soul cracks in desolation

Chained in a cycle of decimation

Writing everyday is the dedication

Offering some conceptualised form of consolation

Spinning mind deluded in rotation

Endless days of holding up the tumbling portration

Hooked on a dead end of pharmaceutical “medication”

Anxiety riddled falling down, palpitations

Eyes pinpointed on painful pulsations

Cycles of tormenting rumination

Quicksand, ever drowning stagnation

Soul parts, fragmentation

Suicidal oscillations

Out in the world, observation

Smile, preservation

Maintaining the biting presentation

Sucking into the abyss, suffocation

Dissociation

Knife jabbing pains, overwhelming intoxication

Fantasising of the chance for rehabilitation

Begging to be put down in sedation

Lost in the formless meditation

In and out consciousness, never cessation

Riding through the cosmos, pineal gland transportation

Fighting the war of ideation

Passing by the flowers, dreaming of their image of reincarnation

One day emancipation.

~DiosRaw, 12/10/21

Poetry {9} ~ BITTERLY STRANGLED

Crawling, hands muddy in the undergrowth

Confusion, disorientation, trembling at the life of oath

Choking on my tears

Strangled by the neck by the flooding fears

Looking back at the words I write refect my misery

Life was sweet, now so bitterly

Awaiting the courage to do the deed

Nothing is the same anymore when I planted that seed

This place feels so distant

Anxiety ties the noose

Struggling to stride in the realm of freedom, set loose

Death is coming for us all

Observing the world around me, craving to fall into the previous normal

Silently choking back the flood

Monotonous torment written in blood

Sorrows too thick to suppress

Chaos and in a dark hole for years, I’m a mess

The sun is out yet I cannot see

Body withdrawn from all life’s chi

Waking and dreaming in hell

If only I could sleep forever

That’s the dream I tell

Staring at walls numb and fogged

Sleep deprivation smothers me in a thick dust of smog

If only I could taste the sweet nectar of life

And squeeze every essence, holding it in my pocket in strife

We can’t turn back time

They say things will get better, to me a distant chime

I’ve heard it for years and it just gets more dark

The horror more deep and the pain more stark

Carrying the burdens of guilt of failed friendships

This illness I have chips

Away at the things I could hold

The story of horror is yet to unfold

Haunted by images no young girl should have had to witness

Chained by the fibromyalgia pain

Perfecting the act of normal, inside this carcass insane

A clown world

A zombie knowing all these spiritual terms and truths and experiences

Yet unable to live them out

Muffled in screams, a hand over the shout

I cried for help, no one could hear

I did my best and I am naked and bone, all that’s left

And a clown life

I tried and it didn’t work, I put down the knife.

~DiosRaw 31/03/21

The Human Family Community Open Threads {10} ~ Where Do We Come From?

Welcome to “The Human Family Community Open Threads,” a project open for anyone who would like to express their feelings, make friends or talk about anything; if you feel suicidal, depressed, anxious or lonely during these times this project is here for you. Feel free to leave a comment below and connect, let’s start a conversation. No judgement, we don’t know until we walk in someone else’s shoes..

~DiosRae 27/03/21

The Human Family Community Open Threads: {9} ~ Who Are We?

Welcome to “The Human Family Community Open Threads,” a project open for anyone who would like to express their feelings, make friends or talk about anything; if you feel suicidal, depressed, anxious or lonely during these times this project is here for you. Feel free to leave a comment below and connect, let’s start a conversation. No judgement, we don’t know until we walk in someone else’s shoes..

~DiosRsw 26/03/21

Poetry {3} ~ BORN TO DIE

Sunken soul

You see a face without a name

Names give us egos, unified yet not the same

Drenched in collapsed walls

Concieved under Victoria Falls

Wishing she would stop wishing

Instead I endlessly search these cosmic waters fishing

I’m afraid of those thoughts inside my head

Wishing a floating butterfly replaced those instead

Trepidation creeping on glass nails I tread

Waiting for the day I will sleep peacefully amongst the dead

Screaming to hell

Leaving this story behind I tell

Breaking my limbs on rocks as I fell

They could bring me to my knees

Every night begging God please

Taking a deep breathe, unconsciousness is the dream

Hard to think of a future when all those moments of pleasure floated down stream

Pricks of water reflecting the sunshine gleam

Clutching at sanity

Gasping in a sea, coming up for air, riddled with insanity

The world around passes by in sound and muffled voices

I have to live with those precarious choices

Sinking into the centre whilst rotations spin

What did I do in a past-life, commit such a sin?

That my life would turn out this way

Taking responsibility will give you meaning

Words, ideas and concepts teeming

All we do we do to ourselves ultimately

Plummeting down

Dreaming of those flashing lights in places I haven’t been downtown

Someone once asked what it felt like to be living this life

Closing her eyes she thought of being electrocuted by thunder and lightning

Instead she said imagine waking up in the middle of the sea

Under direct sunlight

Gargling salt water

Drowning in your own juices

Forgetting how to swim

Knowing you could die right there

Loosing touch with how it started

These minds of ours uncharted

And seeing no finale

Wasn’t I born to die?

~DiosRaw 26/03/21

The Human Family Community Open Threads {8} ~ If There Is No Beginning Or End, What Is The Answer?

Welcome to “The Human Family Community Open Threads,” a project open for anyone who would like to express their feelings, make friends or talk about anything; if you feel suicidal, depressed, anxious or lonely during these times this project is here for you. Feel free to leave a comment below and connect, let’s start a conversation. No judgement, we don’t know until we walk in someone else’s shoes..

~DiosRaw 25/03/21