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The Human Family Crash Course Series {5} ~ Communication {5} ~ How To Say No Politely

Welcome fellow souls to « The Human Family Crash Course Series, » a new project collaborated together by empress2inspire.blog and diosraw0.wordpress.com. Together we will be working on a different topic for each crash course; our fifth topic is focused on «Communication.» Each topic will have eight posts with posts on Mondays and Thursdays. We hope you enjoy our series and we look forward to knowing how our posts have inspired you!

~“Saying NO is an art, master it.” ~
Vikrmn: CA Vikram Verma
~”Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” ~
Anna Taylor

Why do we find it hard to say “no”? Because we want people to like us and would like to appear kind. ‘No’ is counterintuitive to this notion, when we say ‘no’ we fear the repercussions. Humans crave social and emotional stimuli; attention, recognition and intimacy are critical for our emotional and physical survival. “No” can be perceived as a rejection, the very thing that humans are programmed to avoid. The fear of missing out is another reason why people struggle with ‘no’, as social beings, we unconsciously base our beliefs on the current values of society. The Chimp Paradox explains: “The need to belong to a group is so powerful that we will often compromise our lives and lifestyle to remain as part of the group.”

Here are some ways for you to say no politely ~

  1. Vague and effective ~ “Thank you for asking, but that isn’t going to work out for me.”
  2. It’s not personal ~ “Thank you for asking, but I’m not doing any interviews while I’m writing my book at the moment.”
  3. Ask me later ~ “I would like to do that, but I’m not available until July. Will you ask me again then please?”
  4. Let me hook you up ~ “I can’t do it, but I’ll bet Jasmine can. I’ll ask her for you.”
  5. Keep persisting ~ “None of those dates work for me, but I would love to see you. Send me some more dates.”
  6. Try me last minute ~ “I can’t put anything else on my calendar this month, but I’d love to do that with you sometime. Will you call me right before you go again?”
  7. Gratitude ~ “Thank you so much for your enthusiasm and support! I’m sorry I’m not able to help you at this time.”
  8. Give the dad a chance ~ “Let’s ask Dad if he wants to help this year.”
  9. 5-minute favour ~ “I can’t speak at your event, but I will help you promote it on my blog.”
  10. Just No ~ “Thanks, I’ll have to pass on that.”
  11. Gracious ~ “I really appreciate you asking me, but my time is already committed.”
  12. I’m Sorry ~ “I wish I could, but it’s just not going to work right now.”
  13. My family is the reason ~ “Thanks so much for the invite, that’s the day of my son’s soccer game, and I never miss those.”
  14. I know someone else ~ “I don’t have time right now, but let me recommend someone who may be able to help you.”
  15. I’m already booked ~ “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m afraid I’m already booked that day.”
  16. Setting boundaries ~ “Let me tell you what I can do..” Then limit the commitment to what will be comfortable for you.
  17. Not no, but not yes ~ “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.”
  18. I’m “maxed out” ~ We need a ‘safety word’ for saying no, an easy way to tell people that we can’t/won’t do the thing they are requesting, but that it’s not personal. You are asking them to respect that you’re taking care of yourself and that you also respect their need to take care of themselves.

Research suggests that when we precipitate a decision that allows us to change our minds later, we tend to be a lot less happy with the decisions that we make. Once we decline an invitation or say “no”, we need to make an effort to focus on the good that will come from saying no, not the regret or guilt we may feel. Perhaps we will be better rested because we didn’t go to a party, or we’ll feel less resentful because we let someone else help our friend out. Maybe saying no to something frees up time for another (more fulfilling) activity. Whatever the case may be, focus on the positive outcome of your effort to give a good “no”. Because saying no is really about allowing ourselves to really enjoy what we are doing in the moment, whatever that might be.

Feel free to let us know below how you set your boundaries and have learnt how to lovingly say no..

~Amber {DiosRaw}

Crystals {3} ~ What Gives Individual Stones Their Characteristics?

Different stones have different energetic properties. For example, a Tigers Eye can aid those seeking clarity, while Lapis Lazuli is said to expand our awareness and help us attune to our intuition. Rose Quartz is calming and sometimes referred to as the stone of gentle love. Many of the books available contain lists of crystals and what each one means. These meanings are simply interpretations of the energy each crystal carries. Some may consider a crystal with a fresh, lively, citrus feel to it to give zest and promote optimism, and therefore help to reduce depression.

With a little practise and intuition, anyone can interpret the immediate characteristics of a stone. For example, red is the colour of action, and red stones can invigorate and enliven in the same way that the blood in your body gives you life. White or clear stones such as quartz may help you to see more clearly. Purple stones may assist in transformation and change. By all means read and digest the definitions in books but realise that it is important to form your own opinions. The shape of a crystal may also affect its qualities. Some people will also consider the number of facets and, using numerology, which attributes meanings to different numbers, obtain further meanings. Below is a list of the most commonly available shapes ~

Single terminated wands
These have a single point at one end and a rough or rounded edge at the other. They are used widely in healing, cleansing and meditation and as jewellery.

Chunks
Chunks are crystals without notable facets. They can be good for enriching a rooms atmosphere, for holding during meditation or simply carrying in your pocket.

Clusters
Clusters consist of a group of small crystals that have naturally grown joined together. Clusters can be excellent for enriching a living environment or workplace. Depending upon their properties they can cleanse, invigorate or calm an atmosphere.

Cut crystals
Cut crystals are crystals that have been cut and polished into shapes such as pyramids, wands or spheres, which can make them very attractive. If they are well-cut the energy of the stone can be maintained and sometimes amplified.

Tumblestones
Tumblestones are small stones, rocks or crystals that have been tumbled over each other many times with increasingly finer abrasive until the sides become smooth and shiny. Many people like to carry a crystal tumblestone around in their pocket to keep the energy of the stone with them throughout the day.

Poetry {45} ~ SPLITTING DIFFERENTIATED HEADS

How can we understand ourselves, if we don’t?

How can others understand us, if they don’t understand themselves?

We decieve ourselves in a divided mentality

What we believe so happens to be

Is not the objective reality

Our senses bend to perceive

Compartmentalised morality

The voices I hear, what do they want from me?

The floor rises and falls, it breathes

The walls crawl as they churn

Bugs crawl under my skin, pins and needle sensations burn

Judgment in tow complications

Splitting heads, cracked shell

Each one differentiating, cracks scattered into protective personalities

Sweeping up debris of the sensory world

Who am I?

Insanity?

Is fiction, reality?

Maybe poem’s are a kind of schizophrenia

Maybe these poems do not express thoughts and feelings

But a transfer of energy between poet and reader

These pills dulling the colours

Melting into a spectrum of greys

Numbed

The price to pay

Just to be okay.

~DiosRaw, 27/04/21

Spiritual Laws {11} ~ Polarity

When thinking about the Law of Polarity, the most important thing to remember is that absolutely everything has an opposite and that it’s the very existence of these opposites that allow us to understand our life. Consequently, when you go through something difficult, it will be this thing that helps you truly appreciate the good developments to come.

By regularly reminding yourself of this, you can improve your resilience in troubled times. For example, though a bad breakup is painful, it teaches you what doesn’t work for you in a relationship, helping you to eventually find what does.