Tag Archives: fibromyalgia

Poetry {54} ~ MAYBE THEN YOU’D BELIEVE ME, WOULDN’T YOU?

Chrysalis of potential

The things pain made her do

Were far greater than she could have imagined

Than she postulated she was capable of

The sun appeared, rolled away

Flowers beheaded themselves

You look good, you look healthy they say

Maybe if you could feel the bruises I feel

If the burned skin blistered off and fell

And burned your skin too

If I swam in a green, purple and blue skin blood bath

If the tremors were more violent

If the muscles screamed louder

If you could hear the creaking of my joints

And the pounding in my head

If the shooting pains were sparks of light

And the aching were red in glows

If you could see the fog swirling above my mind

And hear the cells of my hippocampus dieing

Starving for serotonin and dopamine

Confession of symptoms mistaken for complaints

Forgetting, lost in a maze

Can’t promise to go, but can’t say I will stay in a daze

If you took my hand

And felt how heavy the weight of existence felt

If the sadness made me waste away

If the fatigue swallowed me up

And I never woke up

Maybe then you’d believe me wouldn’t you?

~DiosRaw, 05/05/21

Journal {1} ~ 01/04/21 ~ Meditative Inner Child Healing

Allergic reactions day after day, laying in bed while the world plays. The vehicle appears to be getting weaker, the immune system lagging in time, is the next reaction going to end this life? These pills they shoved down my throat are decimating this young body, I miss that somebody years ago. The world rotates while I lay and bide this life’s course, in bed staring at walls and writing my heart out until it bleeds onto paper.

Sitting down to meditate, body pain riddes and rattles me. Breathing in pink light energised with love and visualising breathing out the pain and anxieties running through the mind, a foggy smoke regurgitates out; repeating this flow a few times. Meditative states bring me to scenes of the past like a movie flashing before me eyes. Tears tumble down my cheeks as I see the inner child lonely, afraid and scared, I hug her close, wipe her tears and tell her she is, I am, all she has been searching for. A healing meditation; thanking my guides and visualising once again a white light surrounding my body – my energy and auric field is safe and protected. Bowing my head, thanking God for this life even through the hell. Opening my doors to the soul, the world is clearer yet still in a foggy post-allergic reaction state, it is late afternoon now and it will take a couple days to recover. Seeing the blessings in all, this is a time to rest and write in bed, channelling my energy into words.

Hug your inner child, hug that child inside that was hurt. We all hurt.

Keep going, keep trudging through the mud and cloudy hazy initiation forests..

~Love is the answer. Amber, DiosRaw 01/04/21

~About The Author, My Story: Amber, DiosRaw~

Here is my blog’s new “About The Author” page.

The Human Family Community Open Threads {10} ~ Where Do We Come From?

Welcome to “The Human Family Community Open Threads,” a project open for anyone who would like to express their feelings, make friends or talk about anything; if you feel suicidal, depressed, anxious or lonely during these times this project is here for you. Feel free to leave a comment below and connect, let’s start a conversation. No judgement, we don’t know until we walk in someone else’s shoes..

~DiosRae 27/03/21

The Human Family Community Open Threads: {9} ~ Who Are We?

Welcome to “The Human Family Community Open Threads,” a project open for anyone who would like to express their feelings, make friends or talk about anything; if you feel suicidal, depressed, anxious or lonely during these times this project is here for you. Feel free to leave a comment below and connect, let’s start a conversation. No judgement, we don’t know until we walk in someone else’s shoes..

~DiosRsw 26/03/21

Poetry {3} ~ BORN TO DIE

Sunken soul

You see a face without a name

Names give us egos, unified yet not the same

Drenched in collapsed walls

Concieved under Victoria Falls

Wishing she would stop wishing

Instead I endlessly search these cosmic waters fishing

I’m afraid of those thoughts inside my head

Wishing a floating butterfly replaced those instead

Trepidation creeping on glass nails I tread

Waiting for the day I will sleep peacefully amongst the dead

Screaming to hell

Leaving this story behind I tell

Breaking my limbs on rocks as I fell

They could bring me to my knees

Every night begging God please

Taking a deep breathe, unconsciousness is the dream

Hard to think of a future when all those moments of pleasure floated down stream

Pricks of water reflecting the sunshine gleam

Clutching at sanity

Gasping in a sea, coming up for air, riddled with insanity

The world around passes by in sound and muffled voices

I have to live with those precarious choices

Sinking into the centre whilst rotations spin

What did I do in a past-life, commit such a sin?

That my life would turn out this way

Taking responsibility will give you meaning

Words, ideas and concepts teeming

All we do we do to ourselves ultimately

Plummeting down

Dreaming of those flashing lights in places I haven’t been downtown

Someone once asked what it felt like to be living this life

Closing her eyes she thought of being electrocuted by thunder and lightning

Instead she said imagine waking up in the middle of the sea

Under direct sunlight

Gargling salt water

Drowning in your own juices

Forgetting how to swim

Knowing you could die right there

Loosing touch with how it started

These minds of ours uncharted

And seeing no finale

Wasn’t I born to die?

~DiosRaw 26/03/21

The Human Family Community Open Threads {8} ~ If There Is No Beginning Or End, What Is The Answer?

Welcome to “The Human Family Community Open Threads,” a project open for anyone who would like to express their feelings, make friends or talk about anything; if you feel suicidal, depressed, anxious or lonely during these times this project is here for you. Feel free to leave a comment below and connect, let’s start a conversation. No judgement, we don’t know until we walk in someone else’s shoes..

~DiosRaw 25/03/21

The Human Family Community Open Threads {7} ~ What’s Your Life Philosophy?

Welcome to “The Human Family Community Open Threads,” a project open for anyone who would like to express their feelings, make friends or talk about anything; if you feel suicidal, depressed, anxious or lonely during these times this project is here for you. Feel free to leave a comment below and connect, let’s start a conversation. No judgement, we don’t know until we walk in someone else’s shoes..

~DiosRaw 24/03/21

The Human Family Community Open Threads {6} ~ How Do You Grow Your Blog?

Welcome to “The Human Family Community Open Threads,” a project open for anyone who would like to express their feelings, make friends or talk about anything; if you feel suicidal, depressed, anxious or lonely during these times this project is here for you. Feel free to leave a comment below and connect, let’s start a conversation. No judgement, we don’t know until we walk in someone else’s shoes..

~DiosRaw 23/03/21