Category Archives: Journal

Journal {5} ~ 21/04/21 ~ Forgetting What It Feels Like To Be & Feel Human

After that time and what happened, I have forgotten what it feels like to be human; to feel emotion, to feel safe, to feel anything.. What is it like to cry? Numbness is my reality. Neurotransmitters feel non-existent and reality has never been the same since. I can’t believe I am still alive. In a way, pharmaceuticals are stealing my soul, once hooked, they are, is my case, hell to come off these death pills. Looping in circles.

Sometimes music hits you, a hint of pain strikes through you at what life could be like and having to accept where you are. The beauty and pain of human life.

Smiling behind the pain as many of us do and creating to survive. We are all going through something.

Journal {4} ~ 11/04/21 ~ Why I Create?

Many ask why I create, the answer is because I have to. To survive in this life, to express the inner word, the drive is there for creating.. Releasing the tension, pain and love into forms of many types.. For me to comprehend and for others to comprehend or decifer.. For others to find something within themselves through my creations. To find solace and consolation.

~Amber, DiosRaw 11/04/21

Journal {3} ~ 09/04/21 ~ When You Hurt The Other You Hurt Yourself

When you hurt the other, you hurt yourself within the interconnectivity of this cosmos; for you are the other beyond duality. I have learnt a lot, hastiness is a vice, it is harder for myself to form human relationships with chronic pain and other mental afflictions because whilst the world is spinning around, being in pain 24/7 and acting normal can be painful sometimes. When you hurt the other, you hurt yourself.. let go of the weight on your shoulders, all is as it is, forgiveness.

~Love is the answer. Amber, DiosRaw 09/04/21

Journal {2} ~ 05/04/21 ~ Sinkhole, Wipe-Out, Black-Out

A sinkhole devouring all history, a wipe-out, blackout, the plethora of our true essences shrivelled into dust..

A sick twisted ruling class of elites purging their dark and dirty ways onto ignorant souls.

Food that poisons our vessels, water that drowns in toxic chemicals, air suffocating the life force, spewing monsters of machines forcing their feed of propaganda onto the populace, mouths open wide in desperate hunger.

Strangled by the battering of storms, a cyclone of emotions holding my soul at gunpoint.

Yearning for a place called home, whatever that may be whilst beings profiting on sickness churn away in their stance of wealth in place of health.

Ancient history lost in the midsts of clouds we never knew, our roots cut, trees without foundation.

Existential crises, a promulgation of empty lost souls swallowing all that is held out on a golden plate.

History never walked away, the tides coming in awaiting the washing of our true nature.

Hope dappled through the trees leaving dark pools of shadows dampening the light streaming through onto the face of stoney angels.

Dwindled faith, gut wrenching stir.

Spirituality like a melting ice cube within my hand, the more I touch it, the more heat spread, the more it melts into the water of my tears onto sheets to be washed anyway..

Love is the answer. ~Amber, DiosRaw 05/04/21

Journal {1} ~ 01/04/21 ~ Meditative Inner Child Healing

Allergic reactions day after day, laying in bed while the world plays. The vehicle appears to be getting weaker, the immune system lagging in time, is the next reaction going to end this life? These pills they shoved down my throat are decimating this young body, I miss that somebody years ago. The world rotates while I lay and bide this life’s course, in bed staring at walls and writing my heart out until it bleeds onto paper.

Sitting down to meditate, body pain riddes and rattles me. Breathing in pink light energised with love and visualising breathing out the pain and anxieties running through the mind, a foggy smoke regurgitates out; repeating this flow a few times. Meditative states bring me to scenes of the past like a movie flashing before me eyes. Tears tumble down my cheeks as I see the inner child lonely, afraid and scared, I hug her close, wipe her tears and tell her she is, I am, all she has been searching for. A healing meditation; thanking my guides and visualising once again a white light surrounding my body – my energy and auric field is safe and protected. Bowing my head, thanking God for this life even through the hell. Opening my doors to the soul, the world is clearer yet still in a foggy post-allergic reaction state, it is late afternoon now and it will take a couple days to recover. Seeing the blessings in all, this is a time to rest and write in bed, channelling my energy into words.

Hug your inner child, hug that child inside that was hurt. We all hurt.

Keep going, keep trudging through the mud and cloudy hazy initiation forests..

Love is the answer. ~Amber, DiosRaw 01/04/21

~About The Author, My Story: Amber, DiosRaw~

Here is my blog’s new “About The Author” page.