~About The Author, My Story: Amber, DiosRaw~

Here is my blog’s new “About The Author” page.

115 thoughts on “~About The Author, My Story: Amber, DiosRaw~”

    1. Thank you Phil. It is indeed. The first words uttered when I woke up in hospital a year and a half ago – “Love Is The Answer”. 🌹

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  1. Updated. Actually read that earlier today because something seems different about you.

    We have a lot in common and differences but I know a lot of what you’re talking about. I spend many years where I felt completely numb most of the time where days blurred together and years went by like it was yesterday. I’ve never been homeless, but I’ve been in fear of it but I’ve seen human cruelty that’s made me not see the good in humanity at all for years also. I may not have felt dissociation, I have felt I only existed in a dream because nothing seemed real. I did have a moment visiting family I hadn’t seen in many many years while feeling this way where a switch switched off and it’s like my brain didn’t associate anything with them; they were bags of flesh and tubes of just fluid where I was so creeped out I had to leave the room.. then it just switched back to being with family. I’ve read this is an inverted awakening in Buddhism. The purpose is the same. Even though this one was grotesque it showed what gives life meaning by it not being there.
    I’ve contemplated death regularly and I suppose you could say an actual suicide attempt was 3 times. Why? Because this numbness stopped and I felt what I was feeling all at once so it was a knee jerk reaction; this numbness was protecting me.
    I’ve somewhat planned suicide or death before with the same result which is my point of other points: I don’t want to die, I just want to live. I was already dead. I’m also alive and just as fast as things can collapse, they can rebuild suddenly out of nowhere. In fact.. those things can be in motion for the right time because, as you put it, it’s a journey.
    It sounds like this is current and probably off and on so I’ll say from personal experience that you’re headed in the right direction and to keep going while I’ll also know from experience that it’s your own journey to discover without others telling you what it is. Maybe that’s why you’re not “home”. Your gift may be fully opened where you are now and by holding on with all of your strength you’ll eventually get where you’ll see it.
    I’m a completely different person than who I was then and that old person creeps through sometimes and I’ll feel that way briefly, it’s not nearly as intense as it was. You’ll often find that older person in cynicism. And things are for a reason. Love is the answer is the answer because that’s what needs fully understood. And it’s hard as hell.
    Today, as opposed to then, I actually believe in reincarnation and we purposely choose this life we have because THIS is what we want to experience and I’ll tell you myself; despite the horrors I’ve been through and still working though I honestly would trade my life with anyone else. That’s when it actually stopped being so intense.

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    1. Wow, thank you so much for your comment my friend. I relate to what you are saying very much. I wish you the best and thanks again for your kinds words I really appreciate it. It all feels like an initiation, maybe life is an initiation.. 🙏🌹

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      1. There’s more but I don’t want to bog anyone down with a mini novel.
        I had many synchronicity’s with .. stuff.. and it lead to 4 documentaries all of which revolve around shamans in those regions you stated. I don’t travel but plan to hopefully soon, so I can’t relate to that. I have different things but chronic pain is something I know which isn’t bad anymore.
        I’m told my aura is blue, whatever that means.
        I hope you feel better very soon and just remember that there are things in life that we can only learn by hard roads. It may seem senseless but it won’t be. If you’re on a spiritual path.. yes, it’s painful and to be true you have to experience it.
        I hold back because part of my synchronicities was crossing a path to discover Jordan Peterson and I take it as a cautionary tale of trying to do too much too soon. It’s actually not hard to make the mistakes he makes and I’ve made them.

        I don’t want to bog you down with too many words but I hope things improve.

        You seem like an interesting person to talk to but if you’re in pain I’m sure you probably have to feel up to it.

        Initiation.. maybe. Never thought of it that way. I tend to view it as we are all one conscious experiencing life subjectively and we are all “god”. That consciousness is just a frequency and there are other “worlds” in our own. Hard to explain.

        🌹 to you too.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Hey, you aren’t bogging anyone down, you are very interesting, I enjoy reading your messages.

        Interesting that we both were drawn to these documentaries. I’m sure you will travel soon.

        Blue auras usually mean a calm energy around you, healing, open, flowing etc.

        Thanks for your well wishes, it’s been a long journey.. hell and back and hell and back, haha. Laughing all the way.. and crying sometimes.

        The spiritual path or even the path of the shaman isn’t a path for everyone.

        Do you know about Ayahuasaca?

        I also discovered Jordan Peterson a few years ago, he changed my life and was the father figure who grounded me.. he taught me a lot. Mostly to be responsible for my own life to create meaning..

        You aren’t bogging me down, I love your comments. I am taking a rest now, I’ve started this blog now seven days ago building a template etc. I deleted my old blog which was successful due to WordPress censorship, it was a rough time putting blood, sweat and tears into a blog then to have it stagnate due to blocks on the account that I do not understand. I usually do three courses on my blog, a poem, a haiku, photography, quotes, proverbs, knowledge, occult and esoteric knowledge also.. I am resting now due to my health and grieving for my old blog.. Feel free to talk anytime.

        I agree with you on how you see life absolutely, you took the words out of my mouth. 🌹🙏

        Liked by 2 people

      3. We could probably argue about Peterson but I highly doubt there’s any disagreements. Sometimes he comes off as letting his ego take over. I can respect what he does and what he’s trying to do despite messing up sometimes.
        Some can easily be that he’s Canadian, you said you’re from the U.K., and I’m American. We have different political problems than there because conservatives have more power than left wing. There’s a crazy left uprising and a crazy right.. but most people are sane. At least, the ones who’s votes matter.

        Bogging you down, I just mean you seem to be working on filling your blog out and I don’t want to keep loading you up with long comments. Even if you enjoy them, I don’t want to absorb too much time.

        Ayahuasaca.. yes. I wouldn’t do it but I know people who take retreats yearly. Some of the native tribes in the desert areas have open joined/guided trips.

        I know another blogger who has had the same issues.

        PS: 1119 is the number today just as I was thinking it’s been a while. Why? Don’t know.

        U.K. and Canada.. maybe they are censoring blogs. They’re not quite doing it here per se, there’s some exaggerated claims out of paranoia but it’s not happening. It COULD actually happen.
        That’s as Peterson said: it’s creating institutionalized militant colleges.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. This is a compelling read. I hope your health improves, I am also on a journey of recovery. Writing is excellent therapy, along with the community on here. You have my empathy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your comment my friend Lucy. Thank you. I wish you the best on your recovery journey. Indeed writing is cathartic and the community here is beautiful. You have my friendship. 🙏🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Today I’m meeting a woman who did an Ayahuasca experience in January…she went to the US for it … she said it was life alternating … her life story is/was hard … brutal actually… your narrative is heartfelt Amber … no words … but I send love and all good things to you … and some joyful moments … hugs hedy ❣️🤗🌸

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    1. Hey Hedy. Wishing you the best with your meeting and connection today. Sounds very interesting. Ayahuasaca is absolutely life transforming, incredible experiences to be had. I appreciate you, lots of love to you. 🙏🌹

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  4. Thanks for sharing your journey and being transparent. We don’t know the future but we know right now. In Zen, Tao, and American Indian Shamanistic principles all time is happening at once, to to put it another way there is only one time, this moment. So, in that sense, attention to right now is attention to past and opens up possibilities in the future. Be kind to you, doors will open, doors will close. Be well my friend.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I appreciate your comment Bryan. Thank you. Very true words. Yes, all.is happening simultaneously, the human mind thinks linearly however ultimately past, present and future are all happening at once, here in the now. Be well too my friend. 🌹🙏

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  5. Wow this was so touching Amber; sometimes you see people and you really don’t know what they are going through, and now I get to know the reality that you have been having to manage and deal with alot my precious friend 💙💙.

    I am so glad that you did not succeed in the temptations to take your life because you and your life is very beautiful; and even though you may not feel like it when you are by yourself, there are people who care about you, and life will be alot worst off without your light in it — this will be a tremendous loss; we need alot more people with your grace and your spirit and your adorable mind.

    I love interacting with you and did not have a clue about just how deep you had been struggling to contain your troubles and when I read this, it was very hard for me to know that this is the pain of someone that I care so much about.

    I am glad that you wrote this because you are speaking for alot of people who may be going through similar torment and considerable pain and cannot bring themselves to express the anguish and hurt that they feel like you have so admirably showed to us. You are very courageous and the way that you are still going so strong shows that there is hope; it will take time but you can overcome this with patience and good will, and by using the positive things and the good energy to help grow you into a stronger person. It is going to be hard at first but just like the masterminds of science and the engineers of constructions, some of us have a very unique ability to be self-solving and are brilliant at dealing with our deepest problems under unimaginable pressure and unbearable damage, if we just take the time to face them and decide that you are not going to let it determine hoe you life your life, you are going to take control of your life and find away to make things better because if there is anything that is possible in life rising above problems and improving your conditions and saying no to the bad things and and embracing the positive things, is one of them. You have made it this far and there is no reason why you should give up and stop. Even though things may not be good all the time it doesn’t mean you should let the bad moments distract you form all the of good that can make your life so much better that far out-weigh the bad.

    No one can imagine what you personally are going through and your ability to be this resilient, still standing and so positive and hopeful is very impressive and so inspiring and I am glad that you shared this because it may help someone and it also helps us to understand you even more and gives those of us who do care, the opportunity to be there for you and to console you 🌹🤩🤩

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      1. To hear that’s how my words make you feel adds another beat to my heart; your feelings are my pulse and I feel so happy to know that your spirits are listed. And I will always be here for you. You, your words and your thoughts will always mean something to me my friend 💕🥰🌹

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  6. After reading all this, all I can say is wait it out. If you feel like taking your own life, wait it out. Give yourself a month to wait and see that things will all get better. Maybe you can checkout Joel Osteen in YouTube, though I don’t know if anyone is against him but I see him as a motivational speaker and not necessarily about religion.

    Maybe listening to him once a day can bring you towards the light if ever you are in dark phase of your life right now.

    You can help yourself and you can take care of yourself. When you can’t get up from bed due to too much overthinking about your future, force yourself to stand up.

    Force yourself to eat your breakfast. You can become who you want to be. Believe in yourself that you have a great purpose to live in this life.

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  7. This post was really intense. Thank you for sharing such strong message!
    I wish you find your answers and become who you want to be. And, if it was of no particular use going through so much in the institutes and such, maybe you just need something simpler! I don’t want to say anything studio but, as you said,LOVE is the answer: love is not something you need to look for, love will find you. Love is already with you.
    I already feel so much love for you and your words and I feel I’m your friend!
    Everything will feel right eventually ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Welcome, Mara I appreciate your kind words. I will find the healing some day. Love is the all. Thank you my friend, you’re welcome to email me to guest post or connect. 🌹🙏

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  8. I’m so happy that the community you have on WordPress is so loving & supportive! You deserve the world and more. I feel like you are carrying a burden yet continue to believe in the power of healing, the belief that there is a medicine for this heartache. You are so strong. I’m here if you ever want to talk, and I believe in you and your spirit. I hope that knowledge satiates your soul, even when your body is in pain. The world can be harsh, dark, and unforgiving at times. With love, Linda. ❤

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    1. Hey Linda, I am very grateful for this community here. I appreciate your comments, thank you for your kind words. Very true my friend. We can never stop believing. 🌹🙏

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  9. Shalom. May G-d bless you with a refuah sheleimah (complete healing); and, may He bring renewal
    of mind, body, and spirit. I have been through many struggles in my own life; for myself, it is my faith, belief, and practice that sustains me. May your continuous journey be blessed. Shalom, Tzvi

    Liked by 2 people

  10. You’ve been through a lot in life and you survived it, you have a great purpose and it might be in plant medicine and touching the lives of millions of people. Have faith and I pray that God takes away all this pain you’re going through.

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      1. Having a great time..Actually the 2 day festival of Holi started today…. tomorrow will be fun…all the people will be covered in colour tomorrow here….will post about it later tomorrow..

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Sounds good. Did you go out and get messy in the festival? A bookworm, ditto my friend, books are friends.

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      1. It can such you into the darkness. Make sure you take good care of yourself right now. i also live with a lot of pain. It’s a hereditary from my mother’s side. I have arthritis in most of my joints. I understand how it can bring you down into the pits. It’s hard to rise above the pain, bt we have to. The world needs a voice of reason and spiritual understanding..

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello! I appreciate your words very much, thank you. I wish you the best too. Thanks for coming by the blog. What is your name? How are you?

      Like

  11. I am truly sorry for your pain. Since you mention a dark night of the soul, you might enjoy the books of Teresa of Avila “The Interior Castle” and “The Way of Perfection”. Written in the 16th Century, they are profoundly spiritual.

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  12. What a blessing to find your blog. I can relate so much. If you ever want to talk, I have some information that may assist you in finding answers regarding your health challenges. Also, I am skilled at holding space and emotional processing and would be honored to lend an ear. This was very brave of you to share and I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to read it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your words very much Sheya! I can relate to your blog words too. Good to meet you. I appreciate your kind words. I would love to get into contact with you, can I take your email address? 🌹🙏

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  13. Actually I read this story twice!
    I don’t know how?
    Only thing I will say here is:
    ” God will preserve ” your Mind Power” and you will be happy to the maximum level! for all the life!
    Continue believing in God and Destiny!
    Regards and love!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. What a powerful post! Yours is a story that I know resonates with other awakening souls. For some it could be that they are fighting their realization of truth. For others, they haven’t yet found a way to harmonize with those realizations. I am certaint that many will relate to portions of your life. I do not wish to take away from this powerful story, for as a writer I know all too well how hard it is to open up personally. I stand in humble awe to your great journey and blessed to know one of such spiritual strength and perseverance. All that you will hence amass will undoubtedly be of your blessed manifesting gifts. Thank you for opening up to the Collective Consciousness ☺💙

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  15. Dear Amber,
    A new book by Matthew Sleeth talks about suicide as did a couple of my blogs.
    http://matthewsleethmd.com/books/hope-always/
    https://capost2k.wordpress.com/2016/02/07/to-be-or-not-to-be-that-is-not-the-real-question/
    First, please read the first letter of John, 1 John in the Bible. I highly recommend the British translation, English Standard Version, as it attempts to stay as close to the original languages in which the books are written as possible. John addresses in his letter how we can know that we know the true and living God, who I call The God Who Is Here.
    https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+john+1&version=ESV

    I will email you tomorrow after posting my next blog.
    ❤️&🙏, c.a.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I feel like God is telling me to say: it is good that you are here. Thank you for your honest, emotion-filled writing. Kia kaha (stay strong), for all that you have been through shows you are strong. Keep on keeping on being awesome.

    May God’s peace find you, and help you take one step at a time. 🧡

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for the speedy response. You liked my comment on the post “The Sense Realm”. When I see someone has taken the time to read my writing I like to give back. When I visited your blog, this post happened to be the one I clicked on. My mother always says God works in mysterious ways. ✨

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